JTA Musings 3: Plane Rehearsals

     I did this for several times already. After almost 3 years of leaving CDO for Manila, I guess my flight 5 hours ago would be the same as usual.

     But oh well. so much for frequent flyers.

     Today is just like any ordinary day until my sister said goodbye to me twice and even kissed me on the cheek (of course with saying "eew" after). So today might be something not ordinary since my sister doesn't normally do that. Nevertheless, I feel sleepy yet I still managed to drag myself to the showers to prepare for my 10am flight. After the shower, I proceeded with re-fixing my stuff to include newly-laundered undies and some clothes. Then I sat on my favorite dining chair to grab some spam and eggs for breakfast. See, it's just another ordinary day.

     By 8:30am I said goodbye to my brother which is so not me, then to our pet dog Kimmy (who's a German Sheperd btw) which was whining a little -could this be the dog's counterpart of crying? Then I got on the car and as usual, closed my eyes, ready to take a mini-nap while on our way to the airport.

     On ordinary days, I sleep. I always sleep on our car rides. 

     But this time, I can't since I happen to feel tears rolling down my face. WHUT THE F---. And before I could figure out how to wipe my tears and breathe properly without my parents noticing, let's just say my dad (who was driving) looked at me and my mommy gave me her hanky.

     Caught in the act. O__O

     Every female lead character in all the television series I've watched are always so good in crying without others noticing that I can't help but think why wasn't I able to hide mine. Ohh yeah, television series are scripted. Mine's not. But still I can't believe I cried in front of my parents (actually my mom's beside me at the backseat while dad's in front driving, but you get it right?). If there's one thing that I find it hard to express, it's will be missing someone. Well for me it's easy to say you miss someone -write on their Facebook wall, text them or tell them.  Maybe it's because the separation's already there, and all you need to do is just to acknowledge it by saying you miss the other party. But in this case -expressing that you will miss the other party - the separation's not yet there, yet you have to acknowledge it because whether you like it or not both parties are going to that direction of parting ways sooner or later. 

     And in my case,crying is synonymous to me taking off that mask and showing them what I really feel.

     At first I really felt shy about it, but 5 hours after my flight, I felt better knowing that I showed (or assured? haha) my parents that I will miss them. 

Why bother living when you're bound to hide your feelings?

uhm, it's just that some words are better left unsaid? :))

     Bottom line: All of this is just a rehearsal for my August 28 flight to Korea, from the way I pack my luggage to fit in all my clothes, from drafting my checklist, from spending each day as if it's an ordinary day rather than preparing for your own despedida, from carrying all my bags (2 luggages, 1 backpack and 1 camera bag), and from saying goodbyes.

     I guess I would never be able to perfect the last part. So much for rehearsing. Let's settle with spontaneity then! That would be much easier :))

     CDO, see you this December 30!

     PS: Crying has its benefits you know.It helps in cleansing out impurities from the eyes and it also helps out in releasing stress hormones which have negative effects on our bodies. No wonder we felt relieved after crying, right? :)

    

JTA Musings 2: Once in my College Life

     The the day I knew I was accepted into the program, my thoughts were full the happy fact that dude, I'm going to study abroad. I'm excited at the idea of THE hell semester looming ahead, where I'm going to be struggling with 5 subjects with requirements that seem to have the same deadline. And I'm also excited of the idea of having my hell semester while I'm part of the core team of one of Ateneo's biggest events.

     "If I could pull this off, God what an ego booster!". Hahaha JK.

     The month of April was all about eagerness and anticipation. I'm excited to do my first homework. I'm excited to go to the first organization meeting. I'm excited to meet my fellow JTA coursemates. I'm treasuring every single moment of my JTA sem because I know that at moments like these, time just seems to be flying really fast.

     May is the gloomier one, and this is also the time where I start to panic a little because June's near ahead. The thought of turning 19 -Wow. Seems like yesterday I was just 18! But on the academics stuff, May is where we're starting to work on the first part of our group projects -and this was hard because we still got that not-really-doing-anything-much-yet hangover from April. And what delights bothers me is going to school when the regular semester has already ended -which means no human traffic HAHAHA especially in the SEC walk. :))

     June. Before I knew it, we're already halfway through the semester. @.@ And this is the first time in my entire life where I studied on the eve of my birthday! How cool is that. Really, when you're studying and too preoccupied with all those org and academic stuff, you can't help it but feel less excited than usual for your birthday. One year older? Ok, no big deal *back to philo readings*. BTW, at first I found it odd to be going to school with people around already. Hahaha May hangover :))

     July. THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. HELL. This is the month where I'm almost already near to tears out of frustration. July is when I'm already expecting myself to breakdown any moment. July is the month when I bummed with Korean series the night before our final marketing pass because I seriously needed a break or else. Imagine going to the extent of telling yourself "This will all be worth it in the end" just to keep yourself going on and away from the thoughts of giving up. :)

     If I've started the sem with anticipation, I think I'm ending this one with hesitation. The day a friend of mine contacted me regarding joining this year's dance competition in September was the day I was forced to acknowledge the things/PEOPLE I will badly miss while I'm out there braving the Jang Geun Suk's homeland. Now I understand why some friends of mine prefer to forgo this opportunity despite being a once-in-your-college-life opportunity. Because in place of this you will also miss moments and people which could also happen once in your college life.

      Am I talking about backing out or regretting joining the program? No, and I really hope this would still be my answer by the time I get back in December. When I get there, I may be scared of opening my Facebook homepage and seeing tagged photos of my friends who are also having the time of their life with each other. I am also scared of losing my close friends: what if we will not be as close as before? Lastly, I'm scared of being homesick. No matter how many times our lecturer tell us that homesickness can now be cured with Skype and Facebook, I beg to disagree. Facebook, YM! and Skype, prove me wrong then! :)

      Go online [always while you can]. Write on their walls. BUZZ them. Send them emails. Give effort. Or else you might get used to the momentary life without them [which is not cool btw]. And they will get used to the few days without you.

      And I bet you don't want that.